Oh, Hi There!

Yes, I'm definitely still alive. No, I definitely still haven't gotten back into my weight loss routine.

BUT.

I'm also still not gaining. :) I weighed 225lbs this morning, and I am very happy about that. Is it quite as awesome as losing? Obviously not. But the fact that I've been able to maintain this long without having to even really work too hard at it makes me SO excited! Clearly I was really in it this time.

I've more or less resigned myself to the fact that I probably wont be back in the weight loss game until this whole holiday thing is over. Luckily Christmas is in about a week, and then New Years, then it's all over... And I will have to take up my efforts again when all of the other people are also working on weight loss for the resolutions most of them will probably not follow through with. I will not call mine a resolution, though... I'm just picking back up where I left off. :)

These are the Christmas presents I have for people, under my silly fake plant posing as a christmas tree. All I can give you guys for christmas is this blog update, though. :D Hope everyone has a good Christmas/whatever else you may celebrate, and a super awesome new years!

Slowly, I feel like I'm coming back to life.

I haven't picked up the exercise yet, but that's okay. At least I have step aerobics to help keep me up with it twice a week. This is better than nothing, right? I'm hoping to get myself back into an exercise groove soon. But I've been paying better attention to my food again the last few days, and tring in general to not be so... Lame. Hahaha. I know that I have this in me, because I've already come so far, and what I've done even in the last two months is an accomplishment - I maintained. I fluctuated around a 6ish pound window, but I'm still right in there, and that is a huge deal if you ask me!

I had a reminder of all of the reasons that this makes me happy yesterday. I had a job interview at an Old Navy store, for a holiday position. One of the questions I was asked was to tell her about an accomplishment that I was really proud of. The very, very first thing that popped into my little head was my weight loss. I told her how I lost 45 pounds or so from the end of April to September. How it was a big deal, because I've struggled with this for a long time and it was such a good feeling to finally get ahold of it. I also told her that in the last couple of months I've taken a break, but still maintained my loss because obviously I have no interest in gaining that weight back.

I really do still have a great deal of pride in what I've accomplished, it just got buried I think under all of the lost craziness that I've been trying to dig through. 45 pounds is no small thing, and I worked hard to make that happen! I deserved the break I took, and I can't say that I really regret it, except that maybe if I hadn't gotten off track I could still be on my way to onederland by Christmas. Not the end of the world, though, because the point is that I'm going to get there, someday. It will be very, very exciting.

And in case you were wondering how that interview went at Old Navy... I'm going to an orientation on the 14th, pending the background check they're doing. Now, I haven't done a damn thing in my life, so I'm not worried about the background check, soooo... I'm more or less hired, I think! I'm very, very excited, because not only do I love Old Navy as a store anyway, but the last time I had a job was February of 2009 when they closed the Hallmark store I worked at. This is only supposed to be a seasonal position, but it's fun to think that maybe they'll like me enough to keep me around. If not, though, it will still be nice to have something more recent in my job history.

This Is The Story of A Girl...

Right now I feel like my weight loss story should start with once upon a time.

"Once upon a time, there was a girl who was very tired with herself. In light of this, she decided to make some changes starting at the end of April, vowing to shed pounds and low self esteem in an effort to reveal the skinny girl within. Her progress, once started, was fairly rapid, and she was pleased with her results. She trained herself to run, and eventually ran a race. But then, after the race was over and done with and she had no more short-term goal, something happened. She didn't feel the same motivation she had before. She'd lost more than 40 pounds, which she knew was no small feat, but then she was stuck. Her motivation had left, the wind had abandoned her once full and robust sails, and she sat drifting in place, lost in the sea. She still wasn't happy with the body she had, but she was more comfortable in her own skin than she had been when her journey. She couldn't help but wonder if this was part of her problem. She also thought that perhaps she simply needed to take a break from the heavy focus of actively trying to shed pounds - So she decided to try taking a more passive approach. Be more lenient, don't reall try to lose weight, just try not to gain any. She was mostly successful, but eventually she got the creeping sensation that if she didn't reign herself back in soon, she would spiral back to the place where she started, a place she had not wanted to go back to at all. Unfortunatley she seemed to have lost the passion she had once had, and really didn't know how to get it back in time to keep things from getting out of hand. I would like to say our heroine made it out of her slump and triumphed in the end, but I do not know the ending to this story as of yet. Only time can truly tell."

I really do think that the break I've been taking has been necessary, but I also know that I am in a VERY precarious place right now. For the last month/month and a half or so, I've simply had the goal of staying right around the same place as far as my weight goes. That's all I've wanted, and as long as I managed that I would consider myself successful in this time period. I would say that I've been successful in that, although I saw 230 on my scale this morning, which did not make me terribly thrilled after spending almost all of this time in the 224-227 range of things. Halloween candy is dangerous, in case you didn't already know.

I can't really consider this a faliur yet, though, because like I said... I've been here for long enough. I decided today that I really need to pull myself out of this ridiculous slump and get my head back around the weight loss game. I was happier when I was focused and paying attention to my eating and exercise. The last time I ran was the last time I posted a blog... A month ago. Almost to the day. This is so completely WRONG in so many ways, I can't even get into it right now.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy the more lax approach to things I've been taking. More dinners out, almost no time spent on physical activity that would cause icky sweating and huffing and puffing... Hell, I stopped weighing my cereal in the mornings. This seems like such a trivial little thing, but it really counts. It's nice not having to work hard all the time to do the right things. It really is. But it absolutely has to stop. I know me. If I don't stop now, I will easily return to my miserable 266 pound ways.

DO. NOT. WANT.

I still don't feel like I know how to get my motivation back from all of this, but I've decided the best thing I can probably do for myself is start almost entirely from scratch. Treat it like a new weight loss journey. Who says it all needs to be one solid piece? As long as it gets done eventually, I don't really care. I'm just so sick to death of this scared feeling I've had recently. It's like I know I'm on the brink of all of my hard work falling out from under me, and I'm just scrambling mentally to understand and figure out how to pull myself back before my little ledge of hope crumbles beneath the weight I still have left to lose.

I miss my summer challenge. I really, really do. Those guys were astounding at keeping me going and motivated... Especially a shout out to Rochester, who I still like to talk to(Not that I've talked to you much at all these days... My bad. Definitely my bad.). But I can't exactly just go back to that... I have to keep going forward with this journey. I just hope I figure this out before it has a chance to degenerate into entirely old habits.

Dear Legs,

I know that what I did to you today was mildly shocking after two or three weeks of me pretty much not running at all of my own accord. I've gotten complacent and let you get used to sitting around doing nothing, with the exception of Step Aerobics on Tuesday and Thursday each week. Not the same as running, not even a little. I know that.

I finally made you go out and work today, and I felt you go, "Uhhhh... What??" I truly felt bad for you, legs. Why was I so mean to you as to stop running in the first place?? You were just fine when I was more or less in a decent routine and made you run at least twice a week. I know. I'm a bad leg-owner. But this must stop, for I still have a long way to go in my journey to look-awesomeness! We're about halfway there, legs, and you need to get me there somehow.

Now, don't go tricking yourself into thinking that will be the end of it. You don't get to take me to 175 pounds and just stop. We need to keep moving and stay active. You need to carry me around the world someday, legs, when they surely accept mom and us to go on The Amazing Race once I'm 21. You need to help keep me moving to keep this weight gone once we finish getting rid of it. You need to let me chase after my someday-in-the-distant-future kids. You need to do all of these things and more, and dammit you're going to be happy to take on the challenge.

So no aching, no complaining when I take you out to run again like I need to on Friday again. No excuses. You're going to do it, and you're going to like it again soon enough. We only did 20 minutes today because I was feeling generous, but you better believe I'm going to kick that time back up soon enough. I'm also gonna be on the lookout for a new race to look forward to, so you may as well get used to the idea now. It's gonna happen, so you best be ready for it!

Love Always,
Diana

((Was this really for my legs, or was it for myself? My answer... Is YES.))

Let's Just Say My Motivation Has Taken a Vacation.

And I seriously wish I knew when it was coming back.

For the majority of five months, I've been very into my weight loss endeavors. I was enthusiastic, excited, and ready to get this stupid weight off for good! And I lost 40 pounds with all of that lovely perseverance. And then all of a sudden... It seems to have dropped off the face of the earth. :(

Oh where oh where has my happy weight loss face gone, oh where oh where can it be....

*Siiiiiigh*

The good thing is I'm not really gaining any weight. I'm at least managing to maintain between 224 and 226. This is good. This makes me feel like all hope is not lost. I'm just not as on top of things as I have been. I have treats a little more often, exercise has almost gone out the window(I'm glad I have my Step class at school, otherwise I fear I wouldn't be getting ANY exercise at all!). Seriously. I ran once last week, and that was in class. The week before that, I ran twice, outside of class. I really should get back on top of that so I don't lose all of my hard C25K work... Maybe I should find a 5K to run in the next month. Maybe maybe maybe.

It's just been very frustrating to me to suddenly have no drive for this whatsoever. Like... I still want to reach my goal, and I know that it's possible... I just need to get my butt back in gear again, and it's proving more difficult than I would like it to be.

A Happy Wednesday!

Last week, amidst the turmoil and stupidness that was my strange weight fluctuation, I had to bump all of my tickers up to 230 from 229, because it just wouldn't go back to 229 for me in time for Wednesday. This week, I stepped on my scale... And got to move my tickers down 4 pounds! I guess this is just what I get. A week and a half or two of stupid ups and downs and stuckedness, then a whoosh of awesomeness! I can deal, if this is the pattern that continues. ;)

So pretty much that puts me at 40 pounds lost! And that is VERY exciting to me, because... Well.. Do I need more reason than that to be excited!? I think not! 40 pounds is a big freakin' deal! 45 will be just a little sweeter still, because that's my halway mark! So crazy to me to think I've come this far in just under 5 months... That is SO awesome, and I'm just gonna keep on losing. I absolutely WILL NOT fail this time. It's just not an option when I've made it this far already!

Today I went out and I ran, but rather than another 45 minute run I went back to W3 of C25K to work on speed. Where I would have walked before I jogged at my normal pace, and where it tells me to run... Well. I run. ;) Faster than my normal pace. It was really weird, because W3 workouts are way shorter than what I'm used to doing at this point... But that's no big deal. I still felt like I worked because of those faster intervals.

I really want to work on my pace, so I want to start doing things like that more often. Thinking about it, it seems like a good idea to do speed work like this on M/F(Theoretically moving through some of the other weeks, too), then do a normal endurance run on Wednesdays to break things up. That way I still keep up my endurance for time/distance, and I get to work at improving my speed. Seems like a good plan to me, but the only real way to know is to try it out for a week or two and see. Obviously this week is a little screwy for that, so I'm planning on doing a 45 on Friday, just because. Put my plan in motion next week! ;)

Run For The Me-One!

I did it you guys!!! I ran my very first 5K yesterday with my mom... NO walking whatsoever!

Of course there were things that lead up to that. I woke up with Brandon at the ungodly hour of 6:30, which I realize is a normal time for many people... But I really don't do mornings, so that itself was a big hurdle to get over! LOL. So we got up, got dressed, I had a bowl of cereal, and before I knew it it was 7:45 and we were leaving the house for the park!

Once we got there and hunted down parking, we met up with my mom, grandma, and sister, and my fake-dad Greg showed up a little bit later. Mom and I checked in and got our numbers and our chip timers, along with our shirts and a silly goodie bag. We got our bibs pinned on and our chip timers on our shoes and we were ready to kick this race's butt! But first they herded us all ontothe baseball field and lead us in some silly ass warmups that most people just stood there and ignored, followed by a couple of people giving us speeches, all that jazz...

Then all of a sudden, they were counting down and we started to run! It was pretty crazy right at first with everyone starting in the same place and all heading in the same direction... Talk about a stampede! But it didn't take long at all for things to separate out - Faster people moved ahead and all that... Mom and I fell into the middle-ish area, maybe more towards the back... But that didn't matter! We just did our thing and jogged and jogged and JOGGED!

I think the worst thing for me was the hills! My neighboorhood is basically flat, everywhere. So I never have to deal with hills when I run at home! I hadn't expected my run to be flat yesterday... It was just hard to look ahead and see hills when I've never had to deal with them before. Mom was great for that though. She was my own personal cheerleader through the whole run! ;) AND she put up with my whining... Which there was a lot of. There's always a lot of whining involved when I do long runs like that, but normally I'm by myself and nobody has to listen to it! She said she didn't mind though. <3 Love my mommy!!!

After all of the hills and the running and the crazy, we were there! We were running along the parking lot, then down towards the finish line... We made a point of more or less sprinting the last little bit, because you have to finish strong! ;) We finished our race in 44 minutes! Well... Technically 44:00.2, but whatever!

It was a really great feeling to finish the race and get a cold bottle of water. We just stood around and chilled for a little while... Got free jamba juice from the snack table... All that good stuff. ;) Once we'd sufficiently calmed down we went to the cars and figured out lunch... Pizza! :D Which was delicious and awesome and all that... And I also ended up having for dinner later. LOL. Went home, got a nice shower in... And spent the rest of the day just chillin' with Brandon. It was definitely a good day!

Sometime in the end of my run I was saying to my mom that I felt like I never wanted to do it again... But I think we all know that isn't really the case. I'll do it again... And probably fairly soon! ;)

Whoosh! :D

So yesterday after a long week and a half of climbing up thern coming back down three pounds, I was finally back to the lovely place of 229. This morning, all I wanted really was to see 229 again, to be sure I was really back. Instead, I saw 227. 227!? That's awesome!!! And so not deserved with the way I handled dinner last night(3/4 of a frozen tombstone pizza, anyone?). Really though, I'm past the point of weight loss always making sense, and I'm just rolling with it. I'm not going to sit here and be delusional and thing I can eat like that every night and still lose! ;)

So that was exciting. Another exciting moment was on Thursday the 9th, when we did a timed mile and a half run in Step Aerobics! That was pretty awesome, because I've never, ever, EVER been able to jog the entire time for a timed run in school. EVER. This also meant that for once, I wasn't one of the very last people! :D That was a goal of mine, since that's almost always been my trend when it comes to running, since before it was mostly... Yaknow... Walking. So I finished my run in 21 minutes and 36 seconds, which isn't phenominal by any means but it's right in line with the pace I've been doing. I actually might have done better, but I wasn't running in my normal shoes because I forgot to take them with me that day like a dork. Oh well!

My very first 5K ever in my whole entire life is TOMORROW! :O Actually, by this time tomorrow it should be all over. :) That's crazy! I'm so super stoked about this, and I also totally can't believe I'm ACTUALLY going to do it! Mom and I plan on jogging the ENTIRE race, which is gonna be super awesome! We also have some people coming out to cheer us on... :D My grandma, my sister, I'm pretty sure Greg(My fake dad! :D), and Brandon the wonder boyfriend are all gonna be there, and I'm so excited! This is a pretty big deal, guys. For real!

Other than all that, I really have nothing else to say today! I imagine tomorrow will be another posting day, since... Yaknow... I'm running my 5K and Imma have things to say about that, probably! ;D

Isn't It Amazing...

When you suddenly realize that you're not, in fact, a crazy person? And that the goals you've set for yourself aren't as impossible as they seem? I'm having one of those days, and let me just say that it came at a perfect time!

Let me first say this: I wanted to throw the scale out the window recently. My last post I was 230, but had given myself the 229 because I figured I was just fluctuating like a weirdo. Well, the next day I was 231. Then 232. And it was all I could do to make myself get on the scale the next day, because I was half convinced it was going to go up again. Instead it went back to 231. Then 230. And here I am today, at 230 again. Just waiting for 229 to come back... Then something lower, to prove I can. LOL. I don't know about anyone else out there, but when I have these moments it makes it seem like getting past it is impossible! I know it really isn't. I'll just feel better when I see like... 228. Or lower. :D

ANYWAY. That's my explanation for why my, "I'm NOT a crazy person!" moment was so nice today. You see... I thought today I should challenge myself a little more with my running, because my very first 5K is going to be THIS weekend on Sunday! Super exciting! But I figured I should probably make sure I can actually jog that long, since I've been hoping to jog the whole thing, no walking. So I set out today with a route planned for 3 miles, and a 45 minute run on my C25K app... And I freakin' did it!!! I ran 3.16 miles in 45 minutes! When you add in the distance from the 5 minute warmup/cooldown walks, I traveled 3.7 miles today. It was really amazing! Definitely a challenge, but the point is that I did it and I am just SO beyond proud of myself! I am so stoked for this race on Sunday, it's crazy. Mom and I are gonna rock it, fo' sho'. ;) We're pretty much badass like that!

Things are otherwise going smoothly in my life... School is still fine, I'm still enjoying step aerobics in a rediculous sort of way. I do think, though, that I need to really start taking food with me to school. I tried to do the cafeteria thing and it's just not the best way for me to do this. Too many tempting options... Like pizza. And chicken strips. No, it's better if I just bring food of my own in a lunchbox or something and keep it in my locker for Step. That way it's easy to grab after history so I can eat! Much easier to stay on plan this way, methinks. Hooray for that!

The End of a Seriously Awesome Thing

So, I told you guys that back in like... May? I think it was May... ANYWAY. A few months ago I joined a summer challenge on 3FC that ran through September 1st. Well... It's September 1st! The challenge is officially over. My goal was to lose 20 pounds - I started at 249, with a goal of reaching 229. For the past 3 days, I've seen 229 on the scale. This morning, I saw 230, which I largely attribute to eating late last night thanks to my weird class schedule. Keeping that in mind, I gave myself the 229 today. I changed my tickers, I'm considering myself at goal. The whole point in daily weigh ins is to understand the fluctuations that happen all through this process, so I'm using that knowledge today. :)

I LOVED this challege. Seriously, I cannot begin to express the serious amounts of support that came from the people over there. Towards the end it got rather sparse, we lost most people, but what really counted to me was that I stuck with it the whole way through! I also had one other person posting consistently with me in the end, and she's fabulous. :D For real though, I don't know if I would have gotten this far without that group. Definitely lucky that I hopped in there!

Since this was coming to an end, I actually have joined another challenge with a goal of reaching onederland by Christmas. Now, that's about 30 pounds in basically 4 months. I *think* this is doable... Maybe. If I fail, no big deal really. Progress is progress either way, and if I don't quite make it by Christmas, I can always try to finish it off by New Years!

I'm in my second week of school, and so far it's been... Interesting? Hahaha. I ended up having to drop a class, so I have a break of time where I can actually eat... Which means I end up eating in the cafeteria. I make efforts to hunt down healthier options... Salads and whatnot. It's what I have accessible to me, so I work with it. We did our first actual day of exercise in Step Aerobics last night, and that was pretty awesome! Definitely a challenge for me and my less-than-fabulous coordination... LOL. I managed to keep up pretty damn well, though, and I really enjoyed the workout. Hooray! Now I just need to get back on top of running.... Though I think that might get easier with Step thrown in, because I get more variety in my exercise. Maybe. We'll see!

EDIT: I went out and ran, and it was AWESOME. This really shouldn't come as a surprise to me when I reach the end of 30 minutes straight of jogging, but it continues to blow my mind that I seriously go out there and do it! My very first 5K race is coming up in just eleven short days... So super stoked! Even more stoked to have my mom running it with me. Of course, she's all crazy and has a relay she's already planning to do next! I was going to do it until I found out the required pace of something like a 12ish minute mile? Something like that. Basically way faster than I am, since I'm currently doing a mile in just under 15 minutes. Whatever. That's still super awesome. Someday I'll work on my speed... Someday...

Funny How Tone Can Change From Post to Post!

UGH. I know this pretty much should have been expected after the magical pound-a-day for four days thing, but damn it sure is annoying! After I posted my last one about being 230, I was 230 for another day or two... then I was 229! And then I was 230 again for a few days... And now I've been 231 for a few days... GRRRR. Knock it off!!!

In all fairness, I can't really just yell at the scale. I obviously have some blame in this as well. I've lacked some serious motivation over the last week or so. Seriously. I ran yesterday... And the last time I had run prior to that was last Friday. AWEFUL. And it isn't even like I could feel less bad about it from step at school, because we haven't actually started doing aerobics yet! That'll happen tuesday... Actually very stoked about that. BUT. The point is, I hadn't exercised all week. BAD. And then I made some choices with food that weren't quite so fabulous. Not super god-aweful like it could have been, but still. Pretty bad.

My motivation has just seemed to take a little vacation, which really sucks. I do not want to sit here *almost* halfway to my goal, *almost* out of the 230s... *almost*.... You get it. That's just screwed up. And naturally I am the only one to be blamed for it! I just... Need to get my motivation back in line with the things I think in my head. Blegh.

Hopefully a silly little event from today will help with that! I had to go to the mall so I could buy like... two things so I would actually be able to have workout clothes both at school and at home, and I was in Pennys, and they had swimsuits on sale! Like... Rediculous sale. So I had to go look, because I keep thinking it would be nice to have a goal suit, just for fun. God only knows what my actual size will be come next summer... It's just something cute to look at and daydream about while I run. At least... That's the plan. LOL. So I actually found something really cute that I liked, and each piece was only $4.85! :D Same with the workout bottoms I bought. SUPER cheap! Definitely can't complain there. And the sports bra I bought at sears was like 1/2 off, too. Very nice!

So pretty much I'm hoping that with real exercise starting in Step this next week along with having a silly motivational bathing suit to hopefully get me back on track with running, I'll get back on track all around again. This is just a little bump in the road that I need to get over for a little more smooth sailing. :)

You didn't really think I'd leave you without a picture of the super cute goal suit, did you?? Here it is! On my kitchen counter, no less... LOL. Only place with decent light! And I didn't feel like using my real camera. Yay for iPhone!

Just Look At Me Go!

Today I am feeling pretty damn awesome! See my ticker over there to the left? Yeah. 230 pounds. That's how much I weigh today, and that is amazing! I've lost 36 pounds altogether, and I am beyond impressed with myself! Which, I guess sounds bad... But hey! I'm doing some major things here! I'm literally working my ass off, and it feels great. Last Thursday when I posted here last, I weighed 233 pounds... Then my scale was a jerk on friday, then things just fell off all of a sudden. Seriously. From Friday, my weigh-ins looked like this:

235-233-232-231-230-230

Craziness. I'm thinking that I was retaining something or.... Something. 'Cause that's usually the only explanation for drops like that! Not that I'm complaining. I love to see that number get lower and lower... ;)

Time for some math fun! As of today it has been 17 weeks since I started this journey! That's pretty awesome. In 17 weeks, I've lost 36 pounds, which comes out to an average of 2.12 pounds lost per week! I absolutely LOVE that I have been able to maintain that kind of momentum. Seriously. It's absolutely amazing to me what my body is capable of if I just, yaknow, give it the effort it needs! Now why didn't I figure that out sooner?? LOL.

School starts for me on Tuesday... Let the craziness begin!!! I still don't have something to take food with me yet. I went to Target to find something, and all of their options were just... Not what I wanted. At all. Leave it to me to be picky! I may just start of with throwing stuff into a tupperware container or something that I can fit in my backpack... Just don't take anything that would need to stay cool. I dunno. I'll figure something out, I'm sure!

I'm just so pleased with my fabulous progress right now. It really is just amazing to me how far I've come. I still have a ways to go... But in 9 more pounds, I'll be halfway to my goal! Yeeee! So rediculously exciting... I can't even begin to explain it. :D I just have to keep moving forward!

It's Become a Journey I Can(Mostly) Enjoy.

Yep yep! I've pretty much gotten used to the way I've been eating and the exercise I'm doing, so it's slowly morphing into something that I just do because... That's what I do! Don't get my wrong, I hacve my days where I want to eat every thin under the sun, or I just don't want to exercise, or... Whatever, but for the most part I just do what I need to do, and I'm pretty much happy to do it! Not gonna lie, I almost always dread exercising... But the hardest part is getting myself to just do it! Once I'm up and I go, I'm happy I did. :)

After the crazy awesome anniversary dinner I mentioned in my last post, I'm finally back to the weight I saw the morning of my anniversary today - 233! :D I then realized that I'm only 4 pounds away from the goal I had set myself to lose by September 1st. When did that happen!? That's pretty freakin' awesome. Even with the occasional setback, I'm still just rollin' along...

I have to admit, though, that I'm worried a little bit about the start of school approaching. Granted it's only two days a week, so it can't be *that* bad... But I'm there noon-9 on Tuesdays, Noon-6 on Thursdays, and I only have 10 minute breaks in between my classes. Where am I supposed to find time to, yaknow, eat!? I've pretty much come to the realization that I have to get something like a lunchbox or something to carry some decent snacks with me, because I know what they serve in the cafeteria at the college... Things I would do best to avoid, mostly. ;) The upside is that I'm taking step aerobics this semester, which should be fun for involving more exercise in my life, and I plan to keep up with running MWF... So I'm going to be one of those people I always thought were crazy for working out so much in a week! At least that's what I'm hoping. ;)

As of today there is exactly one month until my mommy and I run our 5K!!! I can't even begin to believe we're actually going to do this! Absolutely insane. The old me never would have believed you if you had told her this would be my eventual life. "Me, running? You're hilarious!"

Ha ha, old self. Ha. Ha.

A Couple of Noteworthy Things. :)

First of all, I reached my 235 mini goal! Super exciting. :D Definitely feeling good about having lost 30 pounds, definitely ready to keep this thing moving!

Yesterday, I finished C25K!!! I'm so happy that I stuck with the program the whole way through. I only skipped one day, and that was while we were travelling. I never thought I'd be able to jog for 30 minutes straight... Never ever ever! But here I am, and I can do it, and it feels great! The 5K I wanna run is next month, and until then I think I'm just going to try and figure out a route around my neighboorhood that's about 3 miles to try and get myself to run without stopping. Practice and all that. ;) I think I'll probably wait until after running the race to try to go back through and work on my speed. Right now, I just wanna make sure I can actually run the distance!

Friday night, the 6th, was my anniversary with Brandon. :) I'm super happy to have him in my life... To celebrate, we went out to a very nice restaraunt called Moxie, where the food was delicious, but very rich... So needless to say I was up a little bit yesterday, back to 235(I had weighed 233 on Friday morning...). I really wasn't too surprised by that... It does suck that it's stuck around today, too! But my eating habits yesterday weren't really normal either. I wasn't hungry, so I didn't eat until the afternoon when I was at a friend's birthday party, and then when I actually did get a little hungry I overindulged in the delicious foods her mom had made for the party. Definitely ate more than I really needed to. But then i wasn't hungry the rest of the day, and didn't eat anything. Yeah. Not the greatest habits! So hopefully soon enough my weight will drop back down, and continue on to my next mini goal... 225! No idea when I last was in the 220's. Sometime when I wasn't really paying attention, I'm sure!

I've Never Thought I Had Much To Be Proud Of....

Until thinking about things today.

I mean, really? Three months ago, I weighed 266 pounds. Today, I got in the scale and weighed 236 - 30 pounds lost. 30 POUNDS. That's a LOT! I mean, that's the average weight of a three year old child(or so I just got from some random website. Don't quote me on that.). Craziness! And then there's the running. Today, I completed W8D3 of the C25K program, which involved running for 28 minutes straight. What is this!? I used to think running was some evil thing that nobody should do. Ever. And now I find myself actually enjoying it!?!?(Once I get started, anyway). Since I started actually tracking inches in a whole bunch of places on my body, I've lost about 12.5 collectively. This is insane! I'm making better choices with my eating habits, and I'm in a good enough place to not beat myself up too much or drive myself to crazy if I indulge once in a while. I'm actually LIVING, as opposed to being obsessive and crazy to the point where I give up super fast. This is rediculously awesome.

This is my time to get this right. To really focus and make this happen. And I'm actually doing it and feeling like I'm making the best possible choice for me right now. It's a really amazing feeling, to tell you the truth. I'm finally giving myself what I deserve, and I'm so, SO glad that I finally came around.

Greetings From Washington!

I'm still alive. :] Like I told you, I'm in Washington because my cousin got married today! It was pretty exciting. I cried through the entire freaking ceremony... Whay a baby! LOL. Okay, I guess such behavior is expected at weddings... ;) All that love floating around and whatnot!

Not a whole lot to say, really. As far as eating habits go, I feel like I've been eating a lot, but in reality I think I'm just in shock from not having weight loss constantly on my mind, so when I DO think about it I'm like, "Eek!" But the idea for this week was to at least maintain 238, which we'll see if I manage on Thursday morning, once I'm home and have my trusty scale back in the room right next to mine. ;) I've also kept up with C25K, along with my mommy since she's also been working through it. This week she decided to more or less skip week 6 so that she's be in the same place as me. She's in much better shape, so that wasn't too big of a deal for her... Especially since my running pace is SO freaking slow! But hey - Jogging is better than nothing at all, even if I feel like I have a crap pace! Hahaha

Anywho. Just thought I'd pop in and let you know I wasn't in Washington drowning in a sea of donuts or something. 'Cause I'm not. :D I'm trying to keep on track of things... Trying being the operative! We'll se how it all works out in the end.

25 Minute Run? Pshh. Yeah, I Can Do That!

Yep yep! Today was W6D3, the first of four 25 minute runs! I got through it just fine, no real major issues to speak of! I'm not all that thrilled with my pace right now, seeing as how in the 25 minutes of running I only traveled 1.71 miles... But hey, considering a few weeks ago the thought of me running for 25 minutes straight was extremely laughable, I suppose I should take what I can get! ;) Once you include the warmup/cooldown walks, I traveled a total of 2.27 miles, which is pretty awesome, really! I just wish I could pick up my pace on my running just a little bit. Would have been nice if I ran 2 miles!

Aside from that, I have nothing new really to report! I'm still sitting at 241 for the 4th day in a row, which I'm trying to avoid being too bothered by because I lost 4 pounds last week, so I may not lose anything this one... But hey, I can still hope! Nothing wrong with that... Right!? ;)

Yeah, it's a good thing I did fine with my 25 minute run today... All next week is exactly the same thing!

I've been slacking here, haven't I!?

Goodness, I suck! LOL. I know I haven't posted in a little bit... Forgive me!? ;)

So, what have you missed... Well, I got through all of W5 of C25K, INCLUDING the dreaded first ever 20 minute run! That was pretty awesome, not gonna lie. Today, I did W6D2, which was pretty awesome. 10 minute, run, 3 minute walk, 10 minute run, plus the usual warmup/cooldown walks. All in all I traveled 2 miles, 1.45 of which I ran! Woo hoo! Friday will be 25 minutes, along with ALL of next week! After Friday's run I will be 2/3 of the way done with the program... I can't believe it! It seems like it went so fast. :)

Pretty sure las time I was on here, I was still stick in my stupid 244 rut... Nope! Just looked. I had broken my plateau upward back to 245. Well, as you can see from the ticker over on the left... I jammed down past 244 in no time at all, just like I said I would! 241 the last two days... So 25 total pounds lost!? SWEET! I was playing with the calculator earlier... First off, I've been at this exactly 12 weeks as of today! :D But anyway, I've lost 2.08 pounds a week on average in the past twelve weeks. How awesome is that!? VERY! To keep that kind of momentum going is definitely an awesome thing. Hopefully it keeps going like this, and I'll definitely be able to make it through!

An entirely unrelated topic to weight loss: I am so so so so SO excited for October!!! Specifically, the 15th! Here's the deal - My mom and I are rediculously in love with the band Maroon 5. Love them. They're amazing and wondeful and awesome, or at least we think so. On October 15th, they're going to be playing near us, and we are SO going. Which is awesome in itself. I've seen them at least twice in concert I can think of. But this time is different! This time, we're going to be sitting in the SECOND row. AND... We get to meet them! :D OMGOMGOMG. I get excited all over again every time I think about it! And it seems SO far away, like... Seriously. Three months and one day from now. And a few hours. LOL. That seems SO long to wait! BUT. I know that I will have a photo taken with the band, and I know that I better damn well look fantastic that night for that photo. It's been three months since I started all this and I've lost 25 pounds. Who's to say I couldn't lose 25 more by then?? :D Even if I don't make it quite that far, I know I'll be making more progress between now and then, and it's going to be AMAZING. And WONDERFUL. And AAAAAH. :D

It won't be here soon enough. :D

And a silly note, actually kind of related to weight loss - Brandon, wonder boyfriend, actually commented that he could tell I'd lost weight! But it was in typical Brandon fashion, so I had to laugh about it. To quote him the other night: "I can tell you've lost weight... Your butt is cuter!" LOL. He WOULD notice that, wouldn't he?? But hey - I'm sure as hell not gonna complain if my butt looks better! :D Sweet!

One thing that's going to *kind of* suck: Next Wednesday I'm leaving with my mom to drive up to Washington for our cousin's wedding... We'll be gone for a whole week! The ONLY reason I say this sucks is that I won't have my scale. :[ I realize that someone up there may very well have one, but it won't be *my* scale, so it's just not the same! So I will be sans-scale for a whole week, but that's okay. I WILL still be doing C25K, because there will be THREE days while I'm gone where I'm supposed to run! It's okay though, because mom has to do it too! LOL. So at least while I'm gone for a week I'll still be getting my exercise in. Between that and still paying attention to what I eat, I imagine I can get out of this little vacation... iether maintaining whatever I am when I leave, or maybe even down a pound or two. We'll see!

Anyway! Just thought I'd get this updated, since I'm SUPAH LAME and haven't done anything for a while. I'll try to be better - Promise!!!

Hello, my name is Diana, and I kicked ass today!

That's right. You read that correctly. I'm awesome, and I did awesome things today. Like W5D2 of C25K! For those of you not up to speed on the program, or who don't feel like going to look at it elsewhere, that looked like this:

5 minute warmup walk. 8 minute run. 5 minute walk. 8 minute run. 5 minute cooldown walk.

And I DID IT!!! :D And it was fantastic! I'm not gonna lie to you - I was aftraid. I thought 8 minute runs were going to suck in a rediculous sort of way. I almost talked myself into repeating week 4 at the end of last week, because W4D3 seemed so hard to me... But Brandon, wonder boyfriend, had gone with me on that run(Evil jerk can just jump in and pretty much do just fine!), and told me that he thought I could do it, and that I didn't really need to repeat week 4, I was just afraid of week 5. I think he was right, because I've done two days of week 5 now, and they both went way, way, WAY better than I had anticipated. So glad I didn't actually repeat week 4... This feels amazing! And because of my success the last two days, I'm not as afraid of W5D3 any more! In case you aren't aware, that involves the usual warmup/cooldown, and a 20 minute run with no walking whatsoever. Which seemed rediculous and scary prior to this point, but seeing how I've done, I think I'm going to be okay!

Well guys, my plateau finally broke... In the wrong freaking direction. I pretty much expected as much, since I made some crappy choices with food while I was annoyed with being stuck. So I'm back to 245, but in a pretty good place, mentally. I'm finally making a serious point of getting back on track today, and I should get back down to and break through 244 in no time at all. Or some time. Whatever. I WILL get through it, is the point I'm trying to make!

I Know These Things Happen, But I Don't Like It!

I've been stuck at 244 for the last 5 days. I know that 5 days really, really isn't that long, but here I am, halfway feeling like screaming because I'm just irritated with the lack of downward movement on the scale. And yeah, I do realize that the scale is not by any means the end-all-be-all of this stupid process, but ARGH. Is it so bad to want to see 243? And then 242? And then...

You get the point.

A logical person would tell me that maybe I should just take a break from the scale for a few days. Just focus on the eating and exercising part, and worry about the numbers later. I really, really don't know how to do that very well. I mean, yeah, I only count my weight once a week, but I weigh myself every single morning, as long as I have access to my scale. And if I'm at home like I normally am, the scale is in the laundry room. Which is literally right next to my bedroom. So no, I will not be taking a break from my scale, thankyouverymuch. I'm just going to continue to whine and be pissy until it moves down. Perfectly reasonable of me, right?

Okay, no. Not really. But I'm not good at reasonable when I'm frustrated and feeling a bit discouraged.

Hopefully over the weekend I will feel better about... Everything, and I will be back to my happy, proud, cheerful self. Don't get me wrong, I still know it's fantastic that I've lost 22 pounds. I by no means want to go back to the starting line, because dammit I worked hard to get to this point, and I have goals to reach! But I can't reach those goals if the scale doesn't move!

On another note, I did W4D2 today. A challenge, mostly thanks to the fact that I was feeling super unmotivated... But I did it. When the running seemed particularly hard on the last 5 minute interval, my mantra became, "I cannot control the scale, but I have control over this."

I know that's the truth, in the end. I'm just not always happy about it.

Little moments of pure pride. :)

I know that I neglect my blog for 5 day spans of time, but you have to forgive me. I just don't always remember it's here. Or I do, and I just don't feel like typing my life story out right at that moment. ;) Either way, I'm sorry. I still love you. ;D

So today was W4D1 of C25K..... Which looks like this:

5 minute Warm Up Walk. Jog 3 Minutes, Walk 1.5 Minutes. Jog 5 Minutes, Walk 2.5 Minutes. Jog 3 Minutes, Walk 1.5 Minutes. Jog 5 Minutes. 5 Minute Cool Down Walk.

I was afraid of 5 minute runs, I'm not gonna lie. I was like, "Really? Reeeally?? You're gonna take me from all 1.5-3 minute runs, and throw me into this nonsense??

And then I remembered that a lot of people seem to think that the hardest part of running is overcoming the mental block issues of it, so I tried to tell myself that it would be fine that I could do it. And you know what? It was, and I did. My biggest issue wasn't the 5 minute runs... It was the heat. But even that was something I managed to push myself through, and I made it the whole way through the 32 minute workout, just like I was supposed to. It felt great! I even did it early(Which for me was about 9:20 or so... LOL), so I don't have to worry about fitting it in the rest of the day. I can just chill out and be happy. :)

Speaking of happy, there was something about my run that just thrilled me for no apparent reason - I broke the 2 mile mark! Up until now my runs have come out to something around 1.82 miles, according to mapmyrun.com... Today, with the longer runs, I got farther than usual, and my route was a little different because of that. So when I got home, the first thing I did was hop on there to map everything out and see if that little extra bit got me over the line... And it did! I got 2.15 miles today. :D How awesome is that!? Extremely. EXTREEEEMELYYYYY. Bahaha

I'm a little bit of a 'tard, but I'm sure by now anyone that reads any of this knows that. ;)

For the last few days I've been weighing in at 244, which is pretty cool. Hoping that tomorrow, since it's Wednesday and my *official* day and all that jazz, that it might pop down to 243, just because. That wouldn't suck! Seems that when my weight sticks a few days like this it drops down again right around that time, so we'll see! My next mini goal is to get down to 235... :) Can't wait for that! Going to be pretty freakin' amazing.

Oh! The other day I had a fun moment when i realized that my face has changed and I can see it in photos! Yep, it's gotten thinner, and my Jay Leno pointy chin is returning... LOL. Okay, so it really isn't THAT bad, it's just kinda fun to say. ;) Check it outtttt:

Yesssss, I'm proud of this, too. Because, like so many things in my weight loss adventures, it's super duper awesome. And junk. ;D

I had an interesting realization yesterday that made me feel pretty good. I didn't feel like I'd lost all that much this month, and I was kinda bummed but not to the point of wanting to give up, because... Well. Having lost 20 pounds is really some amazing motivation, I have to tell you. So I looked at my spreadsheet, because I keep track of everything every day there, and I realized that in the month of June, I've lost 8 pounds. That's 2 pounds a week give or take, which is pretty much what I should be managing anyway!

I don't think I've mentioned on here that I joined a summer challenge on 3FC back around May 27th. The deal was that it would last through to September 1st, and based on that you set a goal for yourself that seemed reasonable. Recently I was feeling like I was a little crazy with the goal I had set, because I've only lost about 5 pounds from the weight I was when I set that goal(I joined the thread the first day I weighed 249, then my weight chilled up at 250-252 for two weeks like an asshole!). But then I realized that it's just barely about to be July, which means I still have two months. The goal I had set was to lose 20 pounds between may 27th and September 1st.... I think in two months I can lose another 15 pounds, no big deal. And even if I get close, that's still really, really great! :D There's really no huge rush, other than just my impatience of wanting to get to my destination already... LOL. So I want to be 229 by September 1st. We'll see how it goes. :) I'm not afraid.

I just feel so good these days... I don't think I've ever been this confident in my ability to really DO this.I was on the phone with my mom a little bit ago and I was just like, "I think I'm doing pretty freaking awesome!" And I am! I really, really am. It feels amazing, and I don't want to lose that amazing feeling... So I just keep on going! :D

I'm so lucky, lucky...

So I went out and ran W3D2 this morning. Still not easy, but it wasn't as bad as Monday... I think my biggest problem going into my final run was that I had such a mental roadblock about it, since Monday kicked my ass so much. So getting close to the end of the final run, I was struggling once again, and once again, I was trying to mentally talk myself though it.

And then this song came on.

It's not for everyone. I know it isn't. It's dance-y and what some might consider techno-ish, definitely pop. I've heard it on a couple commercials here and there, too. It's called Lucky(Hot Stuff Short Mix) by Lucky Twice. Yeah, it's a little obnoxious, but it has a good beat so it went onto my playlist. And today, I was so glad I threw that in there! It came on near the end of my final run, and I started thinking of all of the things that make me a lucky girl in my life to get me through the last 40 seconds or so.

I am lucky because I'm so young, and I've managed to figure out something that works for me. I know that there are many people out there who have many years on me, but still can't quite figure out the magical thing that makes them get out there and go.

I am lucky because I have an amazing boyfriend, who loved me before I even decided to embark on this journey. He loved me 20 pounds ago, he loves me wherever I go from here, and he certainly loves me even if I can't finish a run(although I did finish it!).

I am lucky because I have a mom who jumped right on the C25K train to come along with me, so that when I run my first race in September she can be right there with me to celebrate all of the things I've been working to accomplish. Who has always tried to push me to do good things for myself, but also realized that it was never going to happen until I wanted it badly enough to really do it for myself. Who is supportive of all of my efforts, and understands just how rough and tumble this road can get sometimes.

I am lucky because I had the ability and will to motivate myself to try something new, something I ever would have thought possible for me in a million years. Running is one of those things that was always foreign to me, and I never thought I'd be choosing to run of my own accord... But here I am, struggling - Sure, but god damnit, I am doing this for real!

I am lucky for so many reasons... So many more than I've put here, for sure. But those four things, in shortened versions, got me through my final run, all because of that stupid song coming on at just the right moment. I made it through, and I'm so proud of what I've managed to accomplish so far... All of it. The running, the 20 pounds lost, the growing love for myself, the confidence. I am so worth this, it's rediculous. :)

An update on the dying friend front: Surprise! She's not really dying. Her doctors were idiots, and she got new ones. They want to know why people have been telling her she was going to die, when the likely outcome is more along the lines of... She's gonna have a lung and a half, or only one lung. That's it. I mean, that sucks in its own way, but that's NOTHING compared to... You're going to die. So. I'm happy to report that I still have her, and she's not going anywhere!

Back on the subject of running for a moment... I need new headphones. Mine suck. And they like to fall off of my ears, which really isn't so great when you're trying to get through a freaking run! I've been looking around on the skullcandy website, and found a couple things I think I could be happy with... Maybe I'll ask mom for a pair for part of my birthday IOU. ;D

So I'm in a very happy headspace right now, about pretty much everything. Except yoga. I pretty much still hate that. But after today there's only three more weeks... Thank god for small favors!

I FELT LIKE DYING. But I did it! :D

So long story short, I decided to skip the last day of week two, because I'd technically done three days of it, blah blah blah... ANYWAY. I ran W3D1 of C25K today and I MADE IT OUT ALIVE!!! :D I know that sounds a little dramatic, but the last running interval was absolute hell for me! I almost gave up, even. ALMOST. But I didn't,. And I made it. And I am AWESOME. And I get to do it all over again on Wednesday... Aaaaaaaaah!

So now I'm hella tired but still super proud of myself, and I'm at 20 pounds lost and as of today it's been two months, and that really, REALLY doesn't suck... I'm a happy person. :D Just gotta keep my momentum... Not that I expect to keep averaging 10 pounds a month, but hey! I can dream! Maybe? Hahaha

There's a wedding coming up that I'm going to in July... Need to go shop for something to wear for that soon, and I am so not looking forward to it! At all! I mean, I realize I've lost weight and all that, buuuut I'm still not all that shopping friendly, so to speak. LOL. Ah well. I'll go with mom. She'll keep me entertained, or at least try to, so I don't get super pissy and frustrated! :D LOVE YOU MOOOOM! Hahaha

I really don't have anything else to say at this point... Just wanted to shout about my running more today. ;) And I'm too tired to focus on this! I keep getting way distracted by Family Guy! LOL. Laterrrrrr!

Just Movin' On Along!

I weigh 247 pounds. I have so much fun saying that, you have no idea! That's 19 pounds down, which is one pound from 20 pounds, and two pounds from the first mini goal I set for myself! It's soooo close... And that's such a big deal! At least it is to me. :) 20 pounds is no small thing! And the mini goal of 21 pounds puts me back to where I was last time I knew what I weighed before the 266 nightmare... Which is why it's my first goal! :D

Day before yesterday I reran W2D1 of C25K. It was way easier when I'd done it a week before, though still not all that easy. I'm planning on doing the second day this evening after yoga... Which is slowly starting to grow on me, by the way. The less she has to teach and explain to us, and we can just go through the motions, the more I can actually enjoy it. So who knows - I might actually like it by the time it's all over! Hahaha, we'll see!

Not too much else interesting to comment on at this point... Just going through the motions, watching things go right along...

A Great Quote...

"Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice." ~Wayne Dyer

Just found this a little bit ago. Really hit home for me. :)

Hooray for being back at home!

I spent the last five days house/dog sitting for someone while she was out of town, and I'm so happy to be back in my own house again! Part of that happiness is being back with a scale... Not gonna lie, I hunted down the scale in that house pretty quick after I got there, but the batteries were dead or something, so I was completely in the dark the whole time! Not something I'm a fan of. Not at all. I like to weigh in on a daily basis... It's just a compulsive thing for me! So when I woke up all happy in my own bed this morning, I finally got to get back on my beloved(haha!) scale... Which proceeded to tell me that I weigh 248 pounds today! Woohooooo! That's the same thing it told me Thursday morning before I left for the other house, but I hadn't been sure if I trusted it because I'd been 251 on Wednesday... But it's still there today! Seeing a lower number would have been cool, but I got almost no exercise while I was there, so keeping that same number is pretty awesome!

I'm going to have to restart week 2 of C25K, because I did the first day a week ago, then never got to continue to the other two days because of where I was. I don't know the neighboorhood layout nearly as well, and there's actual hills and whatnot over there. No thank you! I also didn't want to run on a treadmill, because... I hate them. Hate. So tonight after yoga I'm going to go out and see how I do on W2D1 again, and hopefully I make it through okay! It was pretty tough last time around!

I'm still not a super big fan of Yoga at this point, although I think after reading a bit that it may just be the practice we're doing in my class that I don't like. We're practicing Hatha Yoga, which is more about relaation and holding poses and whatever. It's still pretty intense, I think, but it's just a little too slow for my tastes. Oh well! This is what I'm signed up for, so I'm just going to have to get used to it. Now please excuse me while I continue counting down the weeks... LOL

I've been thinking that I need to throw in a little extra exercise on top of C25K and Yoga, just to help keep things moving. I've been missing zumba, though my only chances for that at this point will be on Saturdays and Sundays, since yoga falls right when it starts during the week. I don't know, there's all kinds of options I could go for, it's just a matter of making myself get up and take advantage of them!

Right now I'm feeling so proud of myself for where I am in my head in regards to my weight loss efforts. I'm motivated, I'm thinking about it all the time, I'm making good decisions so I can keep up the good things I've been doing... And I'm not resenting it at all. Sure, I want something sweet or something bad for me here and there, but I can let myself indulge in whatever sometimes and not end up completely derailed from my efforts... It's a very empowering feeling. I am strong, and I can do this, as long as I continue to be driven and believe that I can. :D

A Post Entirely Unrelated To Weight Loss

I know I haven't been on here in a few days, no updates, blah blah blah... But that's not what I want to talk about right now. Instead, I have something I need to talk about, because I am scared shitless.

I have two people who I consider to be my best friends. Two people who I love, care about, and want to keep in my life as long as I possibly can. But there's something called a fungal lung infection, which is going to make that very difficult with one of them.

If you google fungal lung infection, you mostly see things that will tell you they tend to go away on their own. Usually, they're no big deal. Antifungal medications get rid of them, and the person infected goes on their merry way. But there are different stages to these infetions, and my friend doesn't have a great outlook at this point. There's a surgery they might normally do to remove the infected tissue, but her infection is spreading. So the next option would be to first contain the infection, then do the surgery. Containing the infection takes about six months of I'm-not-sure-what, but they're concerned hers might be spreading too quickly for them to be able to contain it. If that is the case, and they really can't do anything to fix it... She'll be in organ failure within a year to a year and a half. Let's just say the outlook isn't looking to great.

In her words, "There's a 90% chance I'll be dead before 2013."

How am I supposed to deal with this? I love this girl to death. I have so many dreams and things that I wanted to do with her... And I may not get to do them. Instead, I may have to watch her die right in front of me. Of course I have every intention of being there for her as best as I can, but sometimes that just doesn't seem like enough. For the love of god, she's only 20 years old... She's barely even getting a chance.

I'm afraid for her, and I'm sad for her, and I just don't know what to do other than be right there for her as much as I possibly can... I just wish this wasn't happening. I love her too much for this. There's only one Shanelle in my world, I don't want to lose that...

So Far, I can Say...

I don't think I'm going to be a big fan of yoga.

It started Monday, we didn't really do anything... I missed yesterday's class because I managed to his any possible inconvenient stop light on the way there, making me five minutes late but the instructor has a "Don't come in if the door is closed" policy, so I didn't make it for that... So today was the first official day, and I just wasn't really feeling it. I think I kind of can see the appeal, maybe... But eh. Not for me. But I have another five weeks or so to go through, so maybe it will grow on me. We shall see.

Tomorrow evening I'm going to run W2D2 of C25K, which should be all kinds of eciting and whatnot. I'll most likely do that after yoga... And probably with the company of a dog! I'm going to be house sitting for a friend's mom who's going to my friend's graduation. That's all the way in Santa Barbara, so I got enlisted for house/dog sitting. I don't mind, I'm getting paid for it. ;) But anyway. I'll probably try to get Markie(the dog) to go out with me while I do my run. Should be fun for a change!

The scale has been a jerk, which is nothing new for the last two and a half weeks or so. I'm planning on using the net few days of house sitting to take a break from the scale and focus on other stuff... This is either a recipe for disaster or a really good idea. Only time will really tell... Ugh. I do not have this kind of patience!

Aside from all that, there's really nothing all that new going on with me. Just trying to keep doing the right things, hoping something gives way soon before I start pulling my hair out or something. Blech.

Absent for a Few Days!

I know, I've been gone. But it was my birthday this weekend, so you basically have to forgive me. Or something. ;)

What I can report is that I completed week 1 of C25K with no real issues, which is pretty awesome! :D I can also say that Brandon and I went to Santa Cruz on Saturday, as his birthday surprise for me(along with going to this diner on the way that was AMAZING). We had a lot of fun there, and yeah, we indulged in funnel cake... But whatever. It was delicious, and I regret NOTHING. On that morning, I weighed in at 250.

Yesterday(my actual birthday!) I weighed in at 249, which didn't suck. Then I proceeded to eat steak, potatoes, bread, broccoli, cake, and cheesecake. Because people let me pick what I wanted, and that was what it turned into. Freaking insane. But delicious. But the scale wasn't happy this morning and was back to 251 this morning. I'm doomed to live in this little range forever, methinks!

I had been planning on running W2D1 today, but it never happened... I wasn't feeling well this morning, then it was hot in the afternoon, and by the time I got home after our first yoga class and walking a bunch around campus, it was dark. And I won't go out running when it's dark out, so I kinda got screwed. I'll do it tomorrow, though, so whatever. Hope the 90 second runs don't kill me. D:

And that would be my weekend in a quick and very brief nutshell! :]

Everything evens out in the end.

Or at least it did this week. :)

After all of my fretting over the scale this week, my official weight today was back to being 250. I can deal with this! Way better than the 252 I'd been seeing. Hopefully we get past 250 soon.

I did W1D2 of C25K yesterday evening, which I was proud of, though not as happy about all at once. I couldn't put in the same amout of effort I did on the first day, because my hip had a little bit of a twinge in it. Not terribly comfortable, so I knew I had to take it easy while going through that workout. I did finish it, though, still running when I was supposed to, as long as I was supposed to. Well, it was actually a very light jog this time, but whatever. Gotta do what I gotta do! I'm going to put off day 3 until Friday to give myself a chance to let my stupid hip recover. Try to stretch it here and there, whatever. Hopefully things will be back in working order by then!

For not having exercised today, I'm feeling surprisingly tired right now. At the same time, I'm feeling very much like a lump, because I haven't left the house at all, all day. Blech. I'll have to make sure I go outside for something tomorrow. Go to the store... Or something. Anything?? Haha. We'll see. :)

Stupid Choices Lead to Consequences.

Isn't that part of what weight loss is about?

Yesterday was terrible, after my run. Not in the sense of I had a bad day... Not really, I had fun, I enjoyed spending time with my friend Shanelle. See we went to the county fair, because there was nothing better to do with our Sunday evening. So we went, walked around, looked at stuff, whatever... And then we did stupid things. And by stupid things, I mean we ate stupid things.

See, at the county fair(And the state fair, when it's around) they sell these blocks of curly fries... And i say block because it really is a fucking BLOCK of curly fries. And we decided to share one, because curly fries sounded good, and we were at the fair where, let's face it, food judgement is impared. I think it gets high from all of the fumes from the animals or something.

ANYWAY.

We hadn't planned on eating the whole thing. We really only planned to eat half of it, because we knew it was terrible for us. But we ended up sitting at our table for a good hour or so, talking and being silly and whatever, and all of a sudden that block of curly fries? Yeah. It's GONE. With the exception of a ton that ended up on the ground, and a bunch of crumbly pieces on the plate. If we're lucky, that was MAYBE 1/4 of the block. Maybe. And that's being excessively optimistic. You know the sad thing? The fries sucked. They were bland and oily and not really that good... So why in the hell did we eat them!?!? I mean, yeah they were $7 curly fries... But I'd rather lose the $7, if I could do it all over again.

The other big kicker was that after eating all of that oily potato mess, we felt kinda gross, kinda off... And we realized we needed something of substance in our stomachs. And we ended up at Mel's Diner, and I mean... We all know diner food. There's not really such thing as a decent option. I ened up having a louissiana hot sausage sandwich... It was actually really good, and I really enjoyed that, but I wish I had enjoyed it without the stupid block of curly fries ahead of it!!! Ugh... I'm just so frustrated.

See, I exercised for the last three straight days, and my weight decided 251 was an awesome place to hang out. Fine, whatever, I can deal. It would go down eventually. After my stupid, stupid food choices of yesterday, today I'm up at 252. What. The hell. I mean, I'm not really surprised, but at the same time I just feel like I'm not getting anywhere anymore. I won't give up, because I've just been so proud of myself for doing the right things for the most part, and I've been enjoying it... But god damn, can a girl ever catch a break? This is rediculous... And so frustrating. Even more so because instead of exercising like I might normally after that kind of day, I had planned on this being a rest day... Since, again, I worked out the last three days. I would exercise anyway, but I'm kind of generally sore... So it's probably best to give my body a chance to chill out a little.

I just wish I had willpower of steel or something. :/

That was AMAZING!

So earlier today I did Week 1, Day 1 of the C25K program. I told myself I was going to do it when I had so much fun thinking about it yesterday. I WANTED to start last night, but didn't because it got too late. But today, today I woke up at 10, and I think I was out of the house around 11:30... After I snapped a few photos of myself, just for fun!

It. Was. AWESOME.

I had no idea what to expect from myself starting this... Since, like I said before, I've never been great about running... At all. Ever. But the only way to find out is to try, and I tried today... And I DID IT! And I feel amazing for it! Week 1, Day 1 is a five minute warmup, intervals of running for 60 seconds and walking for 90 seconds, and a five minute cooldown. Came out to 31 minutes out and about in my neighboorhood... And I have to say that I totally rocked it. ;) During a couple of the running intervals I kind of felt like dying, but that was always when I only had about 10 seconds left of running anyway, so I just pushed through to the walking. :D It was pretty phenominal.

When I got home again I was totally sweaty and gross, but of course rather than immediately taking a shower I got on my laptop and have been here ever since, rambling on about this to anyone who will listen! AND I had a fun moment when I went onto mapmyrun.com and found out that the route I took today came out to 1.84 miles! That's ALMOST two whole freaking miles! How super awesome is that? Very, of course! I felt SO proud and SO accomplished... I can't wait to do it again in a couple days. :D I just hope my scale stops being a jerk! I was back up to 251 today, which at this point I'm blaming on water retention, since my muscles aren't used to being worked as much as I've worked them in the last couple of days. Oh well! Shit happens. :)

What in the world am I thinking??

... I'm thinking I am SUPER STOKED!!! :D

I decided something today, which it seems like I've been doing on a daily basis recently! Always about my weight loss. Always the next big revelation in my head that has me doing this that or the other. I love this one though. LOVE. And I haven't even started yet.

See, I have to tell you that I'm the kind of girl that loves a challenge. I love trying to figure out how to do things, pushing myself beyond what I think I can do. It's just sort of how I was raised. Truth be told, though, I tend to be a little lacksidasical about it most of the time... Because while I love a challenge, I am also rediculously, outrageously lazy. Hence the whole fat thing... Among other reasons. But whatever! ANYWAYS, I've decided to challenge myself with something, which will totally help with the weight loss stuff, too!

I am going to try to do the C25k program!!!

Someone out there is looking at the above statement with furrowed eyebrows, wondering what the hell I'm talking about. I know it. C25K stands for the Couch-2-5K Program. It's a starter program for people who want to learn how to run.

Yeah. Run. Like those people you see on sidewalks and stuff, moving kinda fast. That kind of run. ;)

Basically it has you do intervals of walking/running to build up your stamina over the span of 9 weeks. By the end of that 9 weeks, you should be able to run a 5K(which is a little over 3 miles), or for 30 straight minutes. The program has three workouts a week, which are meant to be spaced out so you don't wear yourself down.

Now, if you know me, this is going to sound entirely rediculous. I am not the sort of person who runs, or at least I never have been. But you know what? I've always wished I were that sort of person. Someone who finds running enjoyable or thereputic or whatever. Obviously I'm not guranteed to feel that way about running just because I'm taking on some silly challenge, but who knows? There may be a born runner buried somewhere underneath these layers of fat, just dying for me to discover her. That's what I'm hoping for, anyway.

So in light of this decision, I went out this evening to buy a few things... A couple new workout tanks, since I've been doing t-shirts and things for Zumba but I'd like a little more air when trying to run... And some new shoes! The shoes I've been wearing to the gym for working out are kind of pathetic... Not in the sense that they're super worn out or anything, they're just kind of cheap, flat, and not that great. I got them for $15 at Walmart, let's put it that way. These shoes I bought today, though... I think I'm in love, and I haven't worn them other than trying them on in Famous Footwear. I ran in place a little, walked a bit... They're just so. Freaking. Comfortable! And I felt grat about buying them... They were $48 and change, but I had a giftcard from a couple Christmases ago that still had $28 and change on it, so I only really paid $20.25 for my new shoes. I am SO stoked, you have no idea. I also bought multivitamins that my Dr. recommended to me a while back... Which really has nothing to do with C25K, but I've been meaning to do it... So why not throw it in here? ;)

I'm planning on taking advantage of the fact that there is a C25K iPhone app available for $3 in the app store. It has all of the workouts programmed in, and has audio alerts to tell you when to walk/run. You can use your own music in the background of the app, which I think is really cool. It seems like a pretty polished app for the most part, and reviews are mostly good... So why not?

I plan on starting this tomorrow, either in the morning or in the evening... Or middle of the day, depending on how warm it is outside. I want to jump on this like... Now. Right now. I would've gone out for the first run when I got home if it hadn't been nearly ten o'clock! But now it's 10:30, so I'm DEFINITELY not going out for my run until tomorrow. Dang.

So that's my new and exciting news! I even have a 5K picked out that I'd like to do if I stick with this. Maybe my mommy will even do it with me! ;) *hint hint!* Look at me, all... Planning and stuff! Aaaah! So exciting. :) Can't wait to see how I handle this!

So Many Thoughts Tonight. :)

I went to thy gym today after the scale decided to play tricks on me. Yesterday, it was nice, and was like, "Yeah, you weigh 249! Go you for getting out of the 250's! Yaaaaay!" And I was all excited and all that... And then today I got on there and it was like, "JUSTKIDDING, you're still 250ish!(I got on when I first got up and it said 251, did a couple things, came back and it said 250. Huh.) What a freaking JERK! So I said to myself, "Self, we are going to have to go to the gym today!" And so we did!

I had a pretty great workout, I'd say. Warmed up on a bike for 10 minutes, 5 minutes on a stairmaster, 33 on an elliptical, 5 on a hand bike(I hate the hand bike, BTW. Or at least my arms do. That's gonna be something for me to work on!). Thennn, because I had a weird 53 minute workout on my hands at that poind, i decided to go over to the situp contraptions to do some crunches. I figured I'd do 100, so four sets of 25... And I did that, but I was still feeling pretty good. So I did four more sets. And two more on top of that. So... I did 250 crunches, and it. Was. AWESOME. I felt SO good after that workout today, just because I pushed myself a little bit further... It was great! That's the best I've felt about a workout this whole time! Hopefully it's not the last time I feel that way, either!

Before I went to the gym today, I started playing around and decided I should make a spreadsheet to track my stuff every day - Not so much food, but track the date, my daily weigh in, and whatever exercise I do. Just to see how things go. I plan to have it sectioned off by whatever goal I'm on - So right now I'm working on my June 6th goal, it's labeled as such. On the 7th, I'll have a new section with the header for the next goal, et cetera. I just thought it would be nice to keep track of it all. Wish I had kept track from the beginning... But if nothing else I can go back through my entries here and at least enter in the Wednesdays I talked about here. :) Better than nothing!

I'm feeling really, really good right now. I'm making mostly good choices, I'm getting more in the habit of trying to get exercise in... I feel like I'm actually, yaknow, accomplishing something! And that doesn't suck... or at least I don't think so.

I decided something a little odd today, or at least that other people *may* find odd. I haven't talked to my dad in a while... Just haven't gotten around to it, and I haven't seen him since... The beginning of April. So... Before I even started all of this. I'm honestly gonna try to avoid seeing him for a little bit, until I've lost more weight. Presumably(since I didn't have a working scale at that point) he saw me last right around my highest weight of 266 pounds. How cool would it be to go back there having lost like... 30-40 pounds? I have a lot of family up there, and they don't see me too often... I just think it would be fun to see if they notice. That's my biggest thing... I wanna see if people who don't see me all the time will see... Any difference at all. And they don't know I've been working on this, so I can at least know they aren't saying things just to make me feel good. I hate that. I want to know that I really am making progress. Of course, if they don't say anything, I'll just chalk it up to them being unobservant or something. ;) I'm cool.

Oh! I found an exciting thread on 3FC a couple days ago that I've been thoroughly enjoying... Something along the lines of the "Get real summer fit challenge" or something like that. Basically about setting a weight loss goal for the summer that's realistic, and chatting with the lovely ladies there while you try to get there. So I'm aiming from this point to lose another 20 pounds by September 1st. I checked on my little timeline I made that I posted here a while back, 20 pounds falls right in there, so I think I can do it. :) To weigh 229/230 by September... How cool would that be? I mean... Seriously?? Yesss! That would ROCK! ((Now that I look at it again, I'd actually preffer to be a little farther than that, since my September 15th goal is 215... Oh well! We'll see!))

Anyway, I'm just excited and silly and in a happy place in my head right now, so I thought I'd record it since things aren't always this way in weight loss. :)

Math is Fun!

And that is something you'll never hear me say about anything else. Ever. ;)

But anyway!

Today is Wednesday, and we all know that means it's my "official" day to count my weight, which today came in at 250 pounds! 16 down! Hooraaaaay! I'm happy, to say the least. Would have been way cooler to escape the 250's altogether, even if it had just been 249, but hey! I'll take it! Especially since I had a couple weird food days this week!

But back to the subject of math.

I was playing around with my numbers... You know the ones. I want to lose 91 pounds, I've lost 16, this much would be this percentage... Blah Blah Blah. And I realized that I only need to lose SEVEN more pounds to be a quarter of the way to my goal! Only seven! How crazy awesome is that!? I think it's rediculous how awesome it is, personally, but yaknow... I may just be a little bit biased. ;)

I love doing things like this. I'll sit here, not really doing much of anything, and I'll start playing with the calculator on my laptop to see how things are going, how far I am, how much farther I have to go... It's really a motivator, and I can't get over how happy silly little numbers can make me! But numbers are my driving factor in all of this, let's face it. Well. Part of it.

See, I haven't told you about this yet, becuase... Well, I just haven't thought to put it in my blog! But since I'm keeping track of my journey, you may as well know what I want to do when I get it all done. I want to lose 91 pounds, right? Right. We all know that. I've mentioned it a few(hundred) times. Sure, I wanna be skinny and healthy and wear cute clothes and all that jazz... But there's another driving factor, another end goal I have.

I want to get on the Amazing Race.

No, seriously. It's a dream I decided to chase semi-recently. It's part of what drove me to want to get a new scale so i could lose weight. I'm a latecomer as far as the show goes - The last season being the only one I've actually watched. but I fell in LOVE. Instantly. Right away, then and there. I watched it obsessively, and decided I needed to do it too. See, I love traveling. And my family tends to be competitive by nature, so... It all works out. WHen I get to that point, that magical point of losing lots of weight and meeting my goals... My mom and I are going to try to get on the show, and be amazingly awesome together. I can't imagine doing it with anyone else, my mom is the best. THE best. And she is totally up for it with me. And I can't WAIT!!!

The downside is that you have to be 21 to be on the show. That sucks, seeing as how I'm only turning 19 in a week and a half. BUT! That gives me plenty of time to get in shape, which is nice. And seriously, how could they ignore something as awesome as this? Someone losing 91 pounds because they want to be able to run the race? Duh. Great team story, right there. Hahaha. And I have weird hands! Let's throw that in the mix. See if we get anywhere.

ANYWAY. So now you know my big giant dreams. Let's face it - Even if we don't get on the show, I'll still have all of this amazing weight loss under my belt, which is PLENTY reward, even on it's own. But travelling around to world at the end of it? Yes please!

I can officially say....

I have been at this for one month. :) Hooray!

And I decided that being the landmark that it is, today's weigh-in needed to be recorded. So I changed my ticker on 3FC today after I weighed in... At 252 pounds! That means that in one month, I have lost 14 pounds! You have noooo idea how exciting that is for me. So. Freaking. EXCITING! I know, I know. This is only the beginning, it won't always be this fast, yadda yadda yadda.... DO NOT CARE. I will bask in the glow of my lost fourteen pounds and deal with the hiccups if and when they come my way. I am allowed to be happy about this. DUH. 14 pounds is a big deal!

I will probably do the same thing every month - That is, weigh-in and count the 21st, regardless of if it's a wednesday or not. Those days are going to be big deals to me, as they just show me how far I've come. I don't care that today only makes the first month, I am PROUD and I am AMAZED and I am SO freaking ready to continue this. Yeah. That's what this does to me... I'm all crazy and pumped up!

I'm FINALLY getting back in my exercise groove after my couple weeks of basically nothing. Went to zumba with my mom on Wednesday, and we went to hip hop tonight! I'm feeling really great about it, which is good. I just need to keep it up! :) Mom wants to go to Zumba again on Sunday... It's at 9. Or noon. Noon I would totally do, but 9? I suck at mornings, people! Suuuuck! But we'll see. I told her to ask me about it tomorrow night, so we'll see. ;)

So yeah! I'm feeling awesome and super happy about my progress, and just... Great!