I haven't picked up the exercise yet, but that's okay. At least I have step aerobics to help keep me up with it twice a week. This is better than nothing, right? I'm hoping to get myself back into an exercise groove soon. But I've been paying better attention to my food again the last few days, and tring in general to not be so... Lame. Hahaha. I know that I have this in me, because I've already come so far, and what I've done even in the last two months is an accomplishment - I maintained. I fluctuated around a 6ish pound window, but I'm still right in there, and that is a huge deal if you ask me!
I had a reminder of all of the reasons that this makes me happy yesterday. I had a job interview at an Old Navy store, for a holiday position. One of the questions I was asked was to tell her about an accomplishment that I was really proud of. The very, very first thing that popped into my little head was my weight loss. I told her how I lost 45 pounds or so from the end of April to September. How it was a big deal, because I've struggled with this for a long time and it was such a good feeling to finally get ahold of it. I also told her that in the last couple of months I've taken a break, but still maintained my loss because obviously I have no interest in gaining that weight back.
I really do still have a great deal of pride in what I've accomplished, it just got buried I think under all of the lost craziness that I've been trying to dig through. 45 pounds is no small thing, and I worked hard to make that happen! I deserved the break I took, and I can't say that I really regret it, except that maybe if I hadn't gotten off track I could still be on my way to onederland by Christmas. Not the end of the world, though, because the point is that I'm going to get there, someday. It will be very, very exciting.
And in case you were wondering how that interview went at Old Navy... I'm going to an orientation on the 14th, pending the background check they're doing. Now, I haven't done a damn thing in my life, so I'm not worried about the background check, soooo... I'm more or less hired, I think! I'm very, very excited, because not only do I love Old Navy as a store anyway, but the last time I had a job was February of 2009 when they closed the Hallmark store I worked at. This is only supposed to be a seasonal position, but it's fun to think that maybe they'll like me enough to keep me around. If not, though, it will still be nice to have something more recent in my job history.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
This Is The Story of A Girl...
Right now I feel like my weight loss story should start with once upon a time.
"Once upon a time, there was a girl who was very tired with herself. In light of this, she decided to make some changes starting at the end of April, vowing to shed pounds and low self esteem in an effort to reveal the skinny girl within. Her progress, once started, was fairly rapid, and she was pleased with her results. She trained herself to run, and eventually ran a race. But then, after the race was over and done with and she had no more short-term goal, something happened. She didn't feel the same motivation she had before. She'd lost more than 40 pounds, which she knew was no small feat, but then she was stuck. Her motivation had left, the wind had abandoned her once full and robust sails, and she sat drifting in place, lost in the sea. She still wasn't happy with the body she had, but she was more comfortable in her own skin than she had been when her journey. She couldn't help but wonder if this was part of her problem. She also thought that perhaps she simply needed to take a break from the heavy focus of actively trying to shed pounds - So she decided to try taking a more passive approach. Be more lenient, don't reall try to lose weight, just try not to gain any. She was mostly successful, but eventually she got the creeping sensation that if she didn't reign herself back in soon, she would spiral back to the place where she started, a place she had not wanted to go back to at all. Unfortunatley she seemed to have lost the passion she had once had, and really didn't know how to get it back in time to keep things from getting out of hand. I would like to say our heroine made it out of her slump and triumphed in the end, but I do not know the ending to this story as of yet. Only time can truly tell."
I really do think that the break I've been taking has been necessary, but I also know that I am in a VERY precarious place right now. For the last month/month and a half or so, I've simply had the goal of staying right around the same place as far as my weight goes. That's all I've wanted, and as long as I managed that I would consider myself successful in this time period. I would say that I've been successful in that, although I saw 230 on my scale this morning, which did not make me terribly thrilled after spending almost all of this time in the 224-227 range of things. Halloween candy is dangerous, in case you didn't already know.
I can't really consider this a faliur yet, though, because like I said... I've been here for long enough. I decided today that I really need to pull myself out of this ridiculous slump and get my head back around the weight loss game. I was happier when I was focused and paying attention to my eating and exercise. The last time I ran was the last time I posted a blog... A month ago. Almost to the day. This is so completely WRONG in so many ways, I can't even get into it right now.
I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy the more lax approach to things I've been taking. More dinners out, almost no time spent on physical activity that would cause icky sweating and huffing and puffing... Hell, I stopped weighing my cereal in the mornings. This seems like such a trivial little thing, but it really counts. It's nice not having to work hard all the time to do the right things. It really is. But it absolutely has to stop. I know me. If I don't stop now, I will easily return to my miserable 266 pound ways.
DO. NOT. WANT.
I still don't feel like I know how to get my motivation back from all of this, but I've decided the best thing I can probably do for myself is start almost entirely from scratch. Treat it like a new weight loss journey. Who says it all needs to be one solid piece? As long as it gets done eventually, I don't really care. I'm just so sick to death of this scared feeling I've had recently. It's like I know I'm on the brink of all of my hard work falling out from under me, and I'm just scrambling mentally to understand and figure out how to pull myself back before my little ledge of hope crumbles beneath the weight I still have left to lose.
I miss my summer challenge. I really, really do. Those guys were astounding at keeping me going and motivated... Especially a shout out to Rochester, who I still like to talk to(Not that I've talked to you much at all these days... My bad. Definitely my bad.). But I can't exactly just go back to that... I have to keep going forward with this journey. I just hope I figure this out before it has a chance to degenerate into entirely old habits.
"Once upon a time, there was a girl who was very tired with herself. In light of this, she decided to make some changes starting at the end of April, vowing to shed pounds and low self esteem in an effort to reveal the skinny girl within. Her progress, once started, was fairly rapid, and she was pleased with her results. She trained herself to run, and eventually ran a race. But then, after the race was over and done with and she had no more short-term goal, something happened. She didn't feel the same motivation she had before. She'd lost more than 40 pounds, which she knew was no small feat, but then she was stuck. Her motivation had left, the wind had abandoned her once full and robust sails, and she sat drifting in place, lost in the sea. She still wasn't happy with the body she had, but she was more comfortable in her own skin than she had been when her journey. She couldn't help but wonder if this was part of her problem. She also thought that perhaps she simply needed to take a break from the heavy focus of actively trying to shed pounds - So she decided to try taking a more passive approach. Be more lenient, don't reall try to lose weight, just try not to gain any. She was mostly successful, but eventually she got the creeping sensation that if she didn't reign herself back in soon, she would spiral back to the place where she started, a place she had not wanted to go back to at all. Unfortunatley she seemed to have lost the passion she had once had, and really didn't know how to get it back in time to keep things from getting out of hand. I would like to say our heroine made it out of her slump and triumphed in the end, but I do not know the ending to this story as of yet. Only time can truly tell."
I really do think that the break I've been taking has been necessary, but I also know that I am in a VERY precarious place right now. For the last month/month and a half or so, I've simply had the goal of staying right around the same place as far as my weight goes. That's all I've wanted, and as long as I managed that I would consider myself successful in this time period. I would say that I've been successful in that, although I saw 230 on my scale this morning, which did not make me terribly thrilled after spending almost all of this time in the 224-227 range of things. Halloween candy is dangerous, in case you didn't already know.
I can't really consider this a faliur yet, though, because like I said... I've been here for long enough. I decided today that I really need to pull myself out of this ridiculous slump and get my head back around the weight loss game. I was happier when I was focused and paying attention to my eating and exercise. The last time I ran was the last time I posted a blog... A month ago. Almost to the day. This is so completely WRONG in so many ways, I can't even get into it right now.
I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy the more lax approach to things I've been taking. More dinners out, almost no time spent on physical activity that would cause icky sweating and huffing and puffing... Hell, I stopped weighing my cereal in the mornings. This seems like such a trivial little thing, but it really counts. It's nice not having to work hard all the time to do the right things. It really is. But it absolutely has to stop. I know me. If I don't stop now, I will easily return to my miserable 266 pound ways.
DO. NOT. WANT.
I still don't feel like I know how to get my motivation back from all of this, but I've decided the best thing I can probably do for myself is start almost entirely from scratch. Treat it like a new weight loss journey. Who says it all needs to be one solid piece? As long as it gets done eventually, I don't really care. I'm just so sick to death of this scared feeling I've had recently. It's like I know I'm on the brink of all of my hard work falling out from under me, and I'm just scrambling mentally to understand and figure out how to pull myself back before my little ledge of hope crumbles beneath the weight I still have left to lose.
I miss my summer challenge. I really, really do. Those guys were astounding at keeping me going and motivated... Especially a shout out to Rochester, who I still like to talk to(Not that I've talked to you much at all these days... My bad. Definitely my bad.). But I can't exactly just go back to that... I have to keep going forward with this journey. I just hope I figure this out before it has a chance to degenerate into entirely old habits.
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