Little moments of pure pride. :)

I know that I neglect my blog for 5 day spans of time, but you have to forgive me. I just don't always remember it's here. Or I do, and I just don't feel like typing my life story out right at that moment. ;) Either way, I'm sorry. I still love you. ;D

So today was W4D1 of C25K..... Which looks like this:

5 minute Warm Up Walk. Jog 3 Minutes, Walk 1.5 Minutes. Jog 5 Minutes, Walk 2.5 Minutes. Jog 3 Minutes, Walk 1.5 Minutes. Jog 5 Minutes. 5 Minute Cool Down Walk.

I was afraid of 5 minute runs, I'm not gonna lie. I was like, "Really? Reeeally?? You're gonna take me from all 1.5-3 minute runs, and throw me into this nonsense??

And then I remembered that a lot of people seem to think that the hardest part of running is overcoming the mental block issues of it, so I tried to tell myself that it would be fine that I could do it. And you know what? It was, and I did. My biggest issue wasn't the 5 minute runs... It was the heat. But even that was something I managed to push myself through, and I made it the whole way through the 32 minute workout, just like I was supposed to. It felt great! I even did it early(Which for me was about 9:20 or so... LOL), so I don't have to worry about fitting it in the rest of the day. I can just chill out and be happy. :)

Speaking of happy, there was something about my run that just thrilled me for no apparent reason - I broke the 2 mile mark! Up until now my runs have come out to something around 1.82 miles, according to mapmyrun.com... Today, with the longer runs, I got farther than usual, and my route was a little different because of that. So when I got home, the first thing I did was hop on there to map everything out and see if that little extra bit got me over the line... And it did! I got 2.15 miles today. :D How awesome is that!? Extremely. EXTREEEEMELYYYYY. Bahaha

I'm a little bit of a 'tard, but I'm sure by now anyone that reads any of this knows that. ;)

For the last few days I've been weighing in at 244, which is pretty cool. Hoping that tomorrow, since it's Wednesday and my *official* day and all that jazz, that it might pop down to 243, just because. That wouldn't suck! Seems that when my weight sticks a few days like this it drops down again right around that time, so we'll see! My next mini goal is to get down to 235... :) Can't wait for that! Going to be pretty freakin' amazing.

Oh! The other day I had a fun moment when i realized that my face has changed and I can see it in photos! Yep, it's gotten thinner, and my Jay Leno pointy chin is returning... LOL. Okay, so it really isn't THAT bad, it's just kinda fun to say. ;) Check it outtttt:

Yesssss, I'm proud of this, too. Because, like so many things in my weight loss adventures, it's super duper awesome. And junk. ;D

I had an interesting realization yesterday that made me feel pretty good. I didn't feel like I'd lost all that much this month, and I was kinda bummed but not to the point of wanting to give up, because... Well. Having lost 20 pounds is really some amazing motivation, I have to tell you. So I looked at my spreadsheet, because I keep track of everything every day there, and I realized that in the month of June, I've lost 8 pounds. That's 2 pounds a week give or take, which is pretty much what I should be managing anyway!

I don't think I've mentioned on here that I joined a summer challenge on 3FC back around May 27th. The deal was that it would last through to September 1st, and based on that you set a goal for yourself that seemed reasonable. Recently I was feeling like I was a little crazy with the goal I had set, because I've only lost about 5 pounds from the weight I was when I set that goal(I joined the thread the first day I weighed 249, then my weight chilled up at 250-252 for two weeks like an asshole!). But then I realized that it's just barely about to be July, which means I still have two months. The goal I had set was to lose 20 pounds between may 27th and September 1st.... I think in two months I can lose another 15 pounds, no big deal. And even if I get close, that's still really, really great! :D There's really no huge rush, other than just my impatience of wanting to get to my destination already... LOL. So I want to be 229 by September 1st. We'll see how it goes. :) I'm not afraid.

I just feel so good these days... I don't think I've ever been this confident in my ability to really DO this.I was on the phone with my mom a little bit ago and I was just like, "I think I'm doing pretty freaking awesome!" And I am! I really, really am. It feels amazing, and I don't want to lose that amazing feeling... So I just keep on going! :D

I'm so lucky, lucky...

So I went out and ran W3D2 this morning. Still not easy, but it wasn't as bad as Monday... I think my biggest problem going into my final run was that I had such a mental roadblock about it, since Monday kicked my ass so much. So getting close to the end of the final run, I was struggling once again, and once again, I was trying to mentally talk myself though it.

And then this song came on.

It's not for everyone. I know it isn't. It's dance-y and what some might consider techno-ish, definitely pop. I've heard it on a couple commercials here and there, too. It's called Lucky(Hot Stuff Short Mix) by Lucky Twice. Yeah, it's a little obnoxious, but it has a good beat so it went onto my playlist. And today, I was so glad I threw that in there! It came on near the end of my final run, and I started thinking of all of the things that make me a lucky girl in my life to get me through the last 40 seconds or so.

I am lucky because I'm so young, and I've managed to figure out something that works for me. I know that there are many people out there who have many years on me, but still can't quite figure out the magical thing that makes them get out there and go.

I am lucky because I have an amazing boyfriend, who loved me before I even decided to embark on this journey. He loved me 20 pounds ago, he loves me wherever I go from here, and he certainly loves me even if I can't finish a run(although I did finish it!).

I am lucky because I have a mom who jumped right on the C25K train to come along with me, so that when I run my first race in September she can be right there with me to celebrate all of the things I've been working to accomplish. Who has always tried to push me to do good things for myself, but also realized that it was never going to happen until I wanted it badly enough to really do it for myself. Who is supportive of all of my efforts, and understands just how rough and tumble this road can get sometimes.

I am lucky because I had the ability and will to motivate myself to try something new, something I ever would have thought possible for me in a million years. Running is one of those things that was always foreign to me, and I never thought I'd be choosing to run of my own accord... But here I am, struggling - Sure, but god damnit, I am doing this for real!

I am lucky for so many reasons... So many more than I've put here, for sure. But those four things, in shortened versions, got me through my final run, all because of that stupid song coming on at just the right moment. I made it through, and I'm so proud of what I've managed to accomplish so far... All of it. The running, the 20 pounds lost, the growing love for myself, the confidence. I am so worth this, it's rediculous. :)

An update on the dying friend front: Surprise! She's not really dying. Her doctors were idiots, and she got new ones. They want to know why people have been telling her she was going to die, when the likely outcome is more along the lines of... She's gonna have a lung and a half, or only one lung. That's it. I mean, that sucks in its own way, but that's NOTHING compared to... You're going to die. So. I'm happy to report that I still have her, and she's not going anywhere!

Back on the subject of running for a moment... I need new headphones. Mine suck. And they like to fall off of my ears, which really isn't so great when you're trying to get through a freaking run! I've been looking around on the skullcandy website, and found a couple things I think I could be happy with... Maybe I'll ask mom for a pair for part of my birthday IOU. ;D

So I'm in a very happy headspace right now, about pretty much everything. Except yoga. I pretty much still hate that. But after today there's only three more weeks... Thank god for small favors!

I FELT LIKE DYING. But I did it! :D

So long story short, I decided to skip the last day of week two, because I'd technically done three days of it, blah blah blah... ANYWAY. I ran W3D1 of C25K today and I MADE IT OUT ALIVE!!! :D I know that sounds a little dramatic, but the last running interval was absolute hell for me! I almost gave up, even. ALMOST. But I didn't,. And I made it. And I am AWESOME. And I get to do it all over again on Wednesday... Aaaaaaaaah!

So now I'm hella tired but still super proud of myself, and I'm at 20 pounds lost and as of today it's been two months, and that really, REALLY doesn't suck... I'm a happy person. :D Just gotta keep my momentum... Not that I expect to keep averaging 10 pounds a month, but hey! I can dream! Maybe? Hahaha

There's a wedding coming up that I'm going to in July... Need to go shop for something to wear for that soon, and I am so not looking forward to it! At all! I mean, I realize I've lost weight and all that, buuuut I'm still not all that shopping friendly, so to speak. LOL. Ah well. I'll go with mom. She'll keep me entertained, or at least try to, so I don't get super pissy and frustrated! :D LOVE YOU MOOOOM! Hahaha

I really don't have anything else to say at this point... Just wanted to shout about my running more today. ;) And I'm too tired to focus on this! I keep getting way distracted by Family Guy! LOL. Laterrrrrr!

Just Movin' On Along!

I weigh 247 pounds. I have so much fun saying that, you have no idea! That's 19 pounds down, which is one pound from 20 pounds, and two pounds from the first mini goal I set for myself! It's soooo close... And that's such a big deal! At least it is to me. :) 20 pounds is no small thing! And the mini goal of 21 pounds puts me back to where I was last time I knew what I weighed before the 266 nightmare... Which is why it's my first goal! :D

Day before yesterday I reran W2D1 of C25K. It was way easier when I'd done it a week before, though still not all that easy. I'm planning on doing the second day this evening after yoga... Which is slowly starting to grow on me, by the way. The less she has to teach and explain to us, and we can just go through the motions, the more I can actually enjoy it. So who knows - I might actually like it by the time it's all over! Hahaha, we'll see!

Not too much else interesting to comment on at this point... Just going through the motions, watching things go right along...

A Great Quote...

"Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice." ~Wayne Dyer

Just found this a little bit ago. Really hit home for me. :)

Hooray for being back at home!

I spent the last five days house/dog sitting for someone while she was out of town, and I'm so happy to be back in my own house again! Part of that happiness is being back with a scale... Not gonna lie, I hunted down the scale in that house pretty quick after I got there, but the batteries were dead or something, so I was completely in the dark the whole time! Not something I'm a fan of. Not at all. I like to weigh in on a daily basis... It's just a compulsive thing for me! So when I woke up all happy in my own bed this morning, I finally got to get back on my beloved(haha!) scale... Which proceeded to tell me that I weigh 248 pounds today! Woohooooo! That's the same thing it told me Thursday morning before I left for the other house, but I hadn't been sure if I trusted it because I'd been 251 on Wednesday... But it's still there today! Seeing a lower number would have been cool, but I got almost no exercise while I was there, so keeping that same number is pretty awesome!

I'm going to have to restart week 2 of C25K, because I did the first day a week ago, then never got to continue to the other two days because of where I was. I don't know the neighboorhood layout nearly as well, and there's actual hills and whatnot over there. No thank you! I also didn't want to run on a treadmill, because... I hate them. Hate. So tonight after yoga I'm going to go out and see how I do on W2D1 again, and hopefully I make it through okay! It was pretty tough last time around!

I'm still not a super big fan of Yoga at this point, although I think after reading a bit that it may just be the practice we're doing in my class that I don't like. We're practicing Hatha Yoga, which is more about relaation and holding poses and whatever. It's still pretty intense, I think, but it's just a little too slow for my tastes. Oh well! This is what I'm signed up for, so I'm just going to have to get used to it. Now please excuse me while I continue counting down the weeks... LOL

I've been thinking that I need to throw in a little extra exercise on top of C25K and Yoga, just to help keep things moving. I've been missing zumba, though my only chances for that at this point will be on Saturdays and Sundays, since yoga falls right when it starts during the week. I don't know, there's all kinds of options I could go for, it's just a matter of making myself get up and take advantage of them!

Right now I'm feeling so proud of myself for where I am in my head in regards to my weight loss efforts. I'm motivated, I'm thinking about it all the time, I'm making good decisions so I can keep up the good things I've been doing... And I'm not resenting it at all. Sure, I want something sweet or something bad for me here and there, but I can let myself indulge in whatever sometimes and not end up completely derailed from my efforts... It's a very empowering feeling. I am strong, and I can do this, as long as I continue to be driven and believe that I can. :D

A Post Entirely Unrelated To Weight Loss

I know I haven't been on here in a few days, no updates, blah blah blah... But that's not what I want to talk about right now. Instead, I have something I need to talk about, because I am scared shitless.

I have two people who I consider to be my best friends. Two people who I love, care about, and want to keep in my life as long as I possibly can. But there's something called a fungal lung infection, which is going to make that very difficult with one of them.

If you google fungal lung infection, you mostly see things that will tell you they tend to go away on their own. Usually, they're no big deal. Antifungal medications get rid of them, and the person infected goes on their merry way. But there are different stages to these infetions, and my friend doesn't have a great outlook at this point. There's a surgery they might normally do to remove the infected tissue, but her infection is spreading. So the next option would be to first contain the infection, then do the surgery. Containing the infection takes about six months of I'm-not-sure-what, but they're concerned hers might be spreading too quickly for them to be able to contain it. If that is the case, and they really can't do anything to fix it... She'll be in organ failure within a year to a year and a half. Let's just say the outlook isn't looking to great.

In her words, "There's a 90% chance I'll be dead before 2013."

How am I supposed to deal with this? I love this girl to death. I have so many dreams and things that I wanted to do with her... And I may not get to do them. Instead, I may have to watch her die right in front of me. Of course I have every intention of being there for her as best as I can, but sometimes that just doesn't seem like enough. For the love of god, she's only 20 years old... She's barely even getting a chance.

I'm afraid for her, and I'm sad for her, and I just don't know what to do other than be right there for her as much as I possibly can... I just wish this wasn't happening. I love her too much for this. There's only one Shanelle in my world, I don't want to lose that...

So Far, I can Say...

I don't think I'm going to be a big fan of yoga.

It started Monday, we didn't really do anything... I missed yesterday's class because I managed to his any possible inconvenient stop light on the way there, making me five minutes late but the instructor has a "Don't come in if the door is closed" policy, so I didn't make it for that... So today was the first official day, and I just wasn't really feeling it. I think I kind of can see the appeal, maybe... But eh. Not for me. But I have another five weeks or so to go through, so maybe it will grow on me. We shall see.

Tomorrow evening I'm going to run W2D2 of C25K, which should be all kinds of eciting and whatnot. I'll most likely do that after yoga... And probably with the company of a dog! I'm going to be house sitting for a friend's mom who's going to my friend's graduation. That's all the way in Santa Barbara, so I got enlisted for house/dog sitting. I don't mind, I'm getting paid for it. ;) But anyway. I'll probably try to get Markie(the dog) to go out with me while I do my run. Should be fun for a change!

The scale has been a jerk, which is nothing new for the last two and a half weeks or so. I'm planning on using the net few days of house sitting to take a break from the scale and focus on other stuff... This is either a recipe for disaster or a really good idea. Only time will really tell... Ugh. I do not have this kind of patience!

Aside from all that, there's really nothing all that new going on with me. Just trying to keep doing the right things, hoping something gives way soon before I start pulling my hair out or something. Blech.

Absent for a Few Days!

I know, I've been gone. But it was my birthday this weekend, so you basically have to forgive me. Or something. ;)

What I can report is that I completed week 1 of C25K with no real issues, which is pretty awesome! :D I can also say that Brandon and I went to Santa Cruz on Saturday, as his birthday surprise for me(along with going to this diner on the way that was AMAZING). We had a lot of fun there, and yeah, we indulged in funnel cake... But whatever. It was delicious, and I regret NOTHING. On that morning, I weighed in at 250.

Yesterday(my actual birthday!) I weighed in at 249, which didn't suck. Then I proceeded to eat steak, potatoes, bread, broccoli, cake, and cheesecake. Because people let me pick what I wanted, and that was what it turned into. Freaking insane. But delicious. But the scale wasn't happy this morning and was back to 251 this morning. I'm doomed to live in this little range forever, methinks!

I had been planning on running W2D1 today, but it never happened... I wasn't feeling well this morning, then it was hot in the afternoon, and by the time I got home after our first yoga class and walking a bunch around campus, it was dark. And I won't go out running when it's dark out, so I kinda got screwed. I'll do it tomorrow, though, so whatever. Hope the 90 second runs don't kill me. D:

And that would be my weekend in a quick and very brief nutshell! :]

Everything evens out in the end.

Or at least it did this week. :)

After all of my fretting over the scale this week, my official weight today was back to being 250. I can deal with this! Way better than the 252 I'd been seeing. Hopefully we get past 250 soon.

I did W1D2 of C25K yesterday evening, which I was proud of, though not as happy about all at once. I couldn't put in the same amout of effort I did on the first day, because my hip had a little bit of a twinge in it. Not terribly comfortable, so I knew I had to take it easy while going through that workout. I did finish it, though, still running when I was supposed to, as long as I was supposed to. Well, it was actually a very light jog this time, but whatever. Gotta do what I gotta do! I'm going to put off day 3 until Friday to give myself a chance to let my stupid hip recover. Try to stretch it here and there, whatever. Hopefully things will be back in working order by then!

For not having exercised today, I'm feeling surprisingly tired right now. At the same time, I'm feeling very much like a lump, because I haven't left the house at all, all day. Blech. I'll have to make sure I go outside for something tomorrow. Go to the store... Or something. Anything?? Haha. We'll see. :)